So earlier this year I wrote one of the hardest posts I've ever written. I had a miscarriage in 2014 and it very nearly broke me. Anyone who knows me well will know I'm probably one of the broodiest people on the planet, so that loss was huge for me and for Dann. But I did get through it with support and love from some very special people, and they all know how grateful I am for what they did for us.
But since then I have moved on leaps and bounds, and I've come to the realisation that actually I'm ok with not being pregnant, right now.
I know it's assumed that as soon as you get married you will start a family, and to be honest, that was totally the plan. I mean I fell pregnant six months after getting married. But something's just aren't mean to be. And I've grown to accept that, with some help from my husband and some amazing friends and family.
I look back at everything that Dann and I have achieved and done since my miscarriage and realise that actually we are pretty awesome, and done so much that maybe it was a blessing in a horrible disguise.
Many will wonder why we didn't start trying again straight after - which is entirely ok and is a viable option - and we did think about it. But then we decided to focus on us. Not in a selfish way, but we both wanted to get more settled and supported, and ensure that we would be good inspirations for our future children.
And we did just that! We got jobs that we love and are good at - with more money, bonus! I create this blog to share my life, and make me happy. We bought a house. We got another cat. We went on holidays and travelled. We made ourselves happier.
I don't think we could have done all that with a baby. So I'm ok that I wasn't pregnant again.
Now? I'm settling into a new job which I love. I'm growing this blog, which I adore. We're making time for family and friends. We're renovating our homes.
Yes I am still incredibly broody, and will dive in for baby cuddles as often as I can get them. I will hang out with the two year olds more than the adults. I will spend hours on my favourite parenting blogs, and looking for home inspiration on Pinterest for the future. But right now, I'm growing myself, learning to share more and be more open, and I think it's making me a better person, a better friend, a better wife, and hopefully one day a better mother.
But, for now, I'm ok not being pregnant!
Our time will come, and I can't wait for that time to arrive, but it will and for now, we're happy being us!
This post was inspired from this blog post from Love Taza from a year or so ago - actually posted a little after my miscarriage actually, but was a really big help to me at the time. Please go take a look as it's a truly insightful post. It's something that has really stuck with me over the last year and a half.
