Surviving month one with a baby and a toddler

A whole month of being parents of two little boys. And it's gone by so so fast. Especially those first two weeks! I know it's a total cliche but kids really do make the days and weeks fly past, and it's a bit of a catch 22. I'm so looking forward to seeing the boys interact together and develop their personalities with each other, but also it's very scary seeing the weeks race by!

So, how have we been coping for the last month?
It sure is a transition going from one to two. And I think one of the biggest challenges is managing the first born, particularly if they're quite excitable. I also think the sleep deprivation plays a big role in the change to your home. We have good days and bad days, but I guess that's parenting for you.

Pick Your Own Fruit Farm - and how to survive it with a toddler - The Ordinary Moments

I always thought Autumn was my favourite season, but since having a kid/s I think I'm a summer convert. I do have two summer babies after all. But oh man, the adventures are what makes the season so damn great. 

I absolutely love spending our weekends as a family exploring new places and trying new things. It helps with my wanderlust for one thing, without having to spend a fortune or leave the country (or renew my passport) and teaches Henry so much. 

Luckily for us, being close to both the city centre and lots of countryside, we have plenty of opportunity for new adventures and repeating old ones from previous years. And this includes our new love for Pick Your Own farms. 

We've already built a little yearly tradition for Pumpkin picking, and now we're developing one for Strawberry picking in the summer too. Last year Henry was just starting to walk and was mainly interested in the straw on the floor. This year, well he wanted to help A LOT!! 

Surviving pregnancy with a toddler

Probably one of the hardest and most challenging things I've ever had to do is to be a parent whilst pregnant.
In all honesty, this second pregnancy has been a difficult one, with a lot of ups and downs, but having a toddler in tow as well has made it more tricky.

The big thing is, when you have a toddler, you just can't sit and do nothing when you're not feeling your best. Most toddlers don't really care much for if you're tired, throwing up or generally not well; they just want to play and have fun.

Fortunately there is plenty that can be done to ease life for you, and make surviving pregnancy and life with a toddler a bit easier.

Henry, you're two!!

Two whole years of Henry Gordon Ian.
That's pretty surreal to write down.
But it's been the absolute best two years of my life. I cannot imagine my life without my little guy and my whole world is more complete with you in it.

So Henry, you're two years old!

40 activities to do with your toddler - an activity jar challenge

Pretty much every parent will tell you that they've had at least a day or two where they've really not known what to do with their kid.
If I'm totally honest, I've had far more of those days than I would like to admit, but entertaining a small person can be really hard work, especially when they have a short attention span, far too much energy, and you're feeling less than your best.

As I'm becoming a SAHM and will be battling the wills of two small people (though admittedly one will be far more controllable than the other) I decided I needed to come up with some ideas of how to keep Henry entertained, and keep myself reasonably sane.

So I scoured the internet for ideas of little things I can do with Henry on a day to day basis. As he's going to be with me solo parenting three days a week in June and four days from July, I wanted to put something together that would mean we would have varied days and weeks.

 And thus the activity jar was born!

Maternity Leave Round Two - what are my plans?

I'm about to start maternity leave for the second time, and I am oh so ready for it.
I won't lie, this pregnancy has been hard, and although I only work part-time, it's been difficult juggling pregnancy, a toddler and a job.

With Henry, I didn't actually start my maternity leave until the day after he was born (a Sunday) and I only had one week of leave prior to his arrival. So not an especially relaxing start to my leave. Of course I wouldn't change any of it for the world, but this time around I've decided to go off a little earlier than 38 weeks. My maternity leave officially starts at 36 weeks so I'm hoping for a good couple of weeks before Baby Boy joins us.
At the same time, Henry is dropping one day of nursery, so only attending two days a week, so although I won't be getting rest and relaxation every day, I will get two days a week to myself, and then some extra time with my little man before my time is split between two!

So what do I plan to do with my maternity leave this time around?

Why it's OK to "do it for the gram"

"Doing it for the gram" is usually said with a mixture of laughter and self-consciousness, and I think most people with Instagram, and most definitely Bloggers, have done something purely to get that perfect Instagram photo to share on our grid.

I've certainly done my fair share of things purely to get a shot for my layout. Whether that's buying flowers that I really don't need, making a tea I had zero intention of drinking, or searching out the perfect background for a "from behind candid" shot.
And I know plenty of bloggers that have visited places purely "for the gram". In fact there are entire businesses that are so successful, just because they are "Instagram goals".
And then there's buying props, purely for Instagram photos (and blog photos too in a lot of cases.) I for one, bought a Letterboard just because it would work nicely within my Instagram feed, alongside my 'leg shots' which I take only for my Instagram.

And do you know what, that's all OK.

It's OK to do things, or buy things, and go to places, just because you want to put a photo of it on your Instagram grid.

Why I love a caravan holiday, and how to make it work for you

I love travel.
I'd travel all the time if I could.

And that doesn't just mean jetting off to foreign lands in search of golden sands and sunny skies (although they are both very much welcome).

In fact the majority of my previous travels have been city breaks and adventures with lots of history thrown in, think Rome, Florence and Barcelona to name a few.

But with a growing family, we've had to adjust what a holiday looks like. It's less about exploring old ruins and learning history (though we will be coming back to this when everyone is a bit older) and more about fun adventures exploring new places and trying new things.

With Henry still being pretty young, and me expecting our second boy, we've kept with staycations for the last two years, and utilised the good old British staple of a caravan holiday.
And they've been pretty great so far.

Yes we've had to deal with the not-at-all consistent English weather, which included one complete wash out of a holiday last year, but over-all they've been a great adventure and a good way to get Henry used to travel and new places.

Summertime feels less lonely - The Ordinary Moments

Sunny weeks and weekends mean more adventures, and I am so down with this.

I feel like Spring and Summer is so freeing.

I love Autumn and Winter for all the cosy days at home, the comfort food, and Hygge feels, but I also feel closed off and shut away during those darker months, and I think that really affects how I feel in general.

The first signs of blossoms and florals, and semi-consistent sunshine, lift my mood almost instantly. With longer days and better weather, we get out more, and not just as a family. I make the effort to go outside more, visit places, just be outside of our safe haven, and that alone is enough to make me feel like I'm being more productive and less alone.

Because that's the problem with staying in all the time, it gets lonely. Even when you're with other people.

My hopes and fears for breastfeeding the second time around

It's one of those topics that people either love to talk about, or want to stay completely clear of.

And today I'm going to tackle it head on....breastfeeding.

I've breastfed before. In fact, when I was planning life as a family and awaiting Henry's arrival, I didn't really consider any other option.
I was lucky, Henry did take to breastfeeding pretty well, with a little help from the birth centre I gave birth in. He gained weight and seemed to do well. However my main obstacle was me. I had a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. I loved the bonding, and that I could provide for him by myself, but I was also super uncomfortable and hated the idea of feeding in public. (I've got no issue with feeding in public from others, I just felt really self-conscious and just couldn't shake the associated anxiety). We continued to breastfeed for three months combined with formula, and eventually stopped as my supply slowed down. I was both happy and sad for the end as I'd become more comfortable with breastfeeding, most likely as I was only feeding at night.

So that's my previous journey, and with a second baby on the way, it was only natural to start to think about what we want to do this time.

Again, I want to breastfeed. But this time I feel like I'm more prepared.
Breastfeeding classes are helpful with the facts, but realistically you learn pretty much everything from actually doing it. And I hope that experience will enable me to have a better, longer and more enjoyable time with breastfeeding.

Thoughts on becoming a mum of two

I know this is probably a blog post that has been done about a million times, but aside from loving reading other peoples (particularly, I loved this post from Lyndsey who is expecting a second little girl about a month after me, and this post from Naomi, who is expecting twin girls in May) I find it super cathartic to write some of my thoughts on this blog.

To be honest, I'm already kind of feeling like a mum of two, in the sense that I already feel pretty split between them.
I've talked previously about how much harder this pregnancy has been compared to with Henry, and that has really taken it's toll on my guilt levels. Which in turn has made me worry a little for the future.

Why I want to hypnobirth

The minute you find out you're pregnant for the second time - once you've got the OK that everything is going as expected and hoped - you think back to your previous pregnancy, and most importantly, your previous birth experience.

My birth story with Henry was a pretty positive one all round. It wasn't exactly as I had hoped, but it was pretty damn close, and I did it with no intervention and next to no pain relief. I am proud of my birth story and how well I managed to cope.

However there are things that I feel could have been better.

Length of labour being a large part of it.
I know, of course, that you can't predict or change your labours length of time, but I was in labour for a total of about 26 hours, and 11 in active labour at the birth centre. So I'd really like to try and cut down the amount of time away from home this time around.
We also had a bit of back and forth, which although it couldn't be helped at the time, I'd like to avoid if possible.
And I'd really like to have that water birth I'd planned for last time. I did spend time in the pool, but when it came to actually giving birth, it was more a traditional, on a bed, job.

So how am I hoping to help achieve this?

Hypnobirthing.

Am I cut out to be a stay at home mum?

My maternity leave for the second time is looming and although I am very much looking forward to it, I am also slightly daunted by it too.

Because once I start maternity leave, not only will I will waiting for the arrival of my second little boy, which is scary enough as it is - made worse by the fact that with Henry I didn't actually start my maternity leave until the day after he was born, and only had one week of annual leave prior to his arrival. But I'll also be on the road to stay-at-home-motherhood.

I won't be returning to my job after my maternity leave has ended.
Quite simply, it just doesn't make sense financially to return. I'd literally be spending my entire wage to put both boys in nursery so I could work, which just feels like a waste. I do strongly believe that nursery is very beneficial, so Henry will be remaining in nursery, and baby boy will likely be joining him as soon as Henry's three year funding kicks in. But for the most part, I'll be a stay-at-home mum.

Mental health, pregnancy and me

Collaborative post*

Let's talk about mental health.

It's a pretty big and very serious topic, and generally one I stay clear of as I really don't have much experience with mental health issues, and I'm certainly not about to go trying to give advice on a subject that is incredibly personal to each individual.

However I do want to share a little about my mental health journey, because, perhaps, it could help someone else.

Sometimes it sucks that Daddy is the favourite

Once everyone found out we had had Henry, a boy, I got lots of comments about getting myself my very own mama's boy. And this has been further talked about since we discovered we are expecting a second boy.

And to a certain extent Henry is a mama's boy. He is super cuddling and gives plenty of kisses. Plus he does more often than not, actually listen to me when I ask him to do something, or not to do it.

However, Dann is mostly his favourite person (aside from maybe Alfie the dog).

It takes a village to raise a child.... but mine's a really small one

It takes a village to raise a child....

At least it does for some.

The old adage that you need lots of different influences to bring up a well-rounded child, and give them lots of loving family and friends is a rather sweet notion.
And for a lot of people it is probably quite true.
Perhaps by choice, or maybe by coincidence, but they've started a family surrounded by family members and close friends. Sundays are spent with the Grandparents, and Saturdays with xyz friends at soft play. Last minute meetings at work are fine because Auntie A can look after the little ones as she's off work that day anyway, and Great Grandma takes the smallest baby for a morning a week so mama can get a hot cup of coffee and hoover the living room (aka sit and binge on Netflix).

And to be honest, that sounds like perfection.

I honestly would love, and I mean truly love, to have this lifestyle.

And I am slightly jealous of the families that do get this. Not resentful, but maybe a little green eyed. I would hate to be that person who dislikes another just because they were more fortunate, or planned better, than I did.

Childcare is bittersweet

We got a letter from nursery the other day to let us know that our childcare fees would be going up in April.
Not really a huge surprise there. Almost all businesses use the new tax year to increase their rates at little to keep them afloat of inflation. It's not ideal but it is a way of life.

However this letter gave me a shock, and put me in a very ranty mood. Our fees are going up by £5.05 per day!!

Laundry Day - The Ordinary Moments

I've recently had a bit of an impromptu blog break, and with most blog breaks you get thinking about what you really want to do with and gain from your blog. And this inevitably leads you to thinking why you even started blogging in the first place. 

For me, my blog started life as a creative outlet after I lost a baby whilst I was in a job I completely hated and had zero creativity to it. 

Jump forever three years and it's a hobby and starting to be a bit of a business. It's where I still channel my creativity after spending a couple of years juggling a career in marketing and communications. It's my online space to share my thoughts and advice, and document a little bit of our family life.

But the whole thing with having a family blog was to write about my family, and what we get up to. 

Unfortunately that content isn't the clicky articles that a lot of people want to read, and I know I don't read many posts in that style unless I really love that blogger (this post by Hannah Gale really summed up a lot of where I also believe blogging is heading), however, after reading this post from Kirsty, I was reminded how much I do love a good rambly ordinary moment post. One that is real. One that is about every day life. 

Because I'm an ordinary mum, with an ordinary toddler, leading a pretty ordinary life. 

How motherhood has changed me, for better and for worse

I think we all change so much over our life times. In fact it's kind of inevitable.
You can't remain the same person from your teens, to your twenties, thirties and beyond.
We become more educated, enlightened and in some places more sceptical and rational.

Our life choices and changes impact how we view the world, how we interact with it, and how we move through it.

Understandably, big life changes are going to have bigger impacts.
And one of the biggest changes for any person is becoming a parent.

Of course, there's the whole adjusting to having a small human-being be totally reliant on you for everything which is overwhelming as it is.

But once you've gotten used to actually being a parent (which I'm still not 100% certain I'm there yet!) you realise that your child/kids change you as a person too.

I'm not necessarily saying that they'll change you over night, and you'll go from a party and cocktail lover, to a slipper and nights in on the sofa knitting fanatic (but if that is the case then get those woollens out and enjoy) but they do have an impact. Or at least it has for me.

Am I done having babies??

There's a few inevitable questions when you announce you're having a baby.

Are you finding out the gender? And if yes, do you have a preference - this is especially true if it's a second baby announcement.

And are you having more babies after this one?

First off, let me get this one out before we make any rash decisions!!

But in all seriousness, am I done having babies?