My maternity leave for the second time is looming and although I am very much looking forward to it, I am also slightly daunted by it too.
Because once I start maternity leave, not only will I will waiting for the arrival of my second little boy, which is scary enough as it is - made worse by the fact that with Henry I didn't actually start my maternity leave until the day after he was born, and only had one week of annual leave prior to his arrival. But I'll also be on the road to stay-at-home-motherhood.
I won't be returning to my job after my maternity leave has ended.
Quite simply, it just doesn't make sense financially to return. I'd literally be spending my entire wage to put both boys in nursery so I could work, which just feels like a waste. I do strongly believe that nursery is very beneficial, so Henry will be remaining in nursery, and baby boy will likely be joining him as soon as Henry's three year funding kicks in. But for the most part, I'll be a stay-at-home mum.
And that is pretty scary.
Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful that I even have the opportunity to entertain not working in a proper employment for an unknown period of time. I will be keeping my blog of course, and hopefully continuing to earn a few pennies from it. And I'm hoping to use this opportunity to launch my own business as well. However, both of these will be projects for the evenings, or when they're both in nursery, so for the best part of the week, my primary job is going to be mother.
And I'm not entirely sure how well cut out for the role I am.
I love being a mother. That is an absolute fact. It's 100% the best, most full-filling job I've ever done.
However, it is also the most consuming, over-whelming and difficult job too.
I love spending time with Henry, but I'm also not the best at just playing. Or arranging indoor activities. Luckily, Henry loves generally helping with house bits, like laundry and hoovering,and given half a chance he'd do the washing up. But I'm really aware that he is young, and will be spending more time with me than with nursery, so I need to up my game in playing and teaching, whilst also juggling (possibly literally) a baby.
Fortunately, with summer on the way, I'm hoping we'll be able to get out a lot, because that's where I feel like I parent at my best. Or at least in the garden so I have a semblance of control!
So am I cut out for being a stay at home mum?
I'm not really sure.
Some days, I think I'll do OK, and that I've got this parenting lark down, and then others are just a bit of a fail day all round.
But I'm ready for the challenge. And I think that's all I can be.
Roll on stay-at-home motherhood!
