Surviving month one with a baby and a toddler

A whole month of being parents of two little boys. And it's gone by so so fast. Especially those first two weeks! I know it's a total cliche but kids really do make the days and weeks fly past, and it's a bit of a catch 22. I'm so looking forward to seeing the boys interact together and develop their personalities with each other, but also it's very scary seeing the weeks race by!

So, how have we been coping for the last month?
It sure is a transition going from one to two. And I think one of the biggest challenges is managing the first born, particularly if they're quite excitable. I also think the sleep deprivation plays a big role in the change to your home. We have good days and bad days, but I guess that's parenting for you.

Getting out and about with two littles with Buggy Board

Review post*
Getting out and about with two kids that are both under three, and to be frank, almost under two (Henry's second birthday was two and a half weeks ahead of Dexter's birth) can be a bit of a struggle.

Henry is a pretty strong willed character and mightily independent which I adore, but can also be a bit tricky to navigate. And with most toddlers, sometimes there is just no reasoning with them! And to be honest, I feel like I parent a whole lot better when we're outside and exploring.

So we needed some travel options for our now family of four - and enter the Lascal MAXI Buggy Board*

Our home water birth experience with Dexter

If you'd asked me six months ago what my birth plan was for our second baby, all I could commit to was a water birth, most likely at our local midwife led unit.

However at 34 ish weeks we made the decision to go for a home birth. And this post is probably one of the happiest posts I've written as I got pretty much the perfect birth story, at home, and with that water birth I've wanted since having Henry in 2016. You can read how we planned our home birth here.

We knew we wanted a water birth from the start as it was the one thing I missed with Henry. I had a good water labour but actually gave birth on dry land. So our first step was getting a pool.
We were very generously gifted a mini pool from the Gentle Birth Birthing Pool Hire* and honestly I can't thank Ceri enough for helping make my dreams come true.

So Dexter's home water birth story...

Planning a home birth

During pregnancy there's always the thought at the back of your mind of how exactly you're going to bring a new life into the world. And to be honest, that doesn't change when you have your second. Just this time you have a little more awareness on what can happen, and a little bit of additional faith in your abilities.

My first birth with Henry was at our local Birth Centre and it was near perfect with a water labour, but I didn't quite get the water birth I'd hoped for. So this time I want to try and have that water birth. Alongside this we've decided to have a home birth.

A home birth wasn't really a consideration last time for us. I knew I wanted to go to the Birth Centre from the second I heard about it, and was doubly confirmed when we visited it ahead of giving birth. This time though, when my midwife suggested it we didn't say no.

We then didn't really think too much about it, though it was a background consideration, especially as we have a toddler and limited family in the area. Logically it made more sense to have a home birth especially if I'm in labour over night as it means Henry can just stay in bed until morning, and then go to nursery or his Godparents house, but I was still a little nervous. In my head, one good birth at the Birth Centre, meant I should go back and do it again.

At my 34 week appointment, my Midwife Lucinda reminded me that my next appointment would be in two weeks and we'd be discussing my birth plan, and it dawned on me that I really didn't have much of a plan! Luckily Lucinda is very much a pressure-off midwife but is a clear advocate of birth centres or home births. So I went home, did a bit of research on Pinterest, did a call out for stories from fellow bloggers (I'll link some at the end) and talked to Dann.

And we decided, we want a home birth.

What's in our just-in-case hospital bag and toddler bag

For our second baby boy, we have a home birth planned, so the bulk of my recent planning has been around ensuring we have everything we need in the house to bring baby boy into the world.
However, that doesn't mean we're off the hook for bag packing!

Ever the organiser, I've packed a normal hospital bag as well, just in case I have to be transferred to hospital.
Hopefully this will be completely unnecessary, but I'd rather pack and not need it, than be unprepared.

I'm also packing a second bag this time, specifically for Henry, so that if I'm in labour during the day he has a bag packed to go to his Godparents house until he can come home again.

Luckily, last time around I packed a pretty good concise hospital bag so I'm pretty much sticking with that as a base, but with a little update, and less in the way of comforts as this is just an emergency bag!

Preparing the home for baby no.2

Review Post*

We are getting over closer to becoming a family of four and I'm not going to lie, it just does not feel quite real yet. Apparently the large watermelon shaped mound under my clothing just isn't enough for my brain to accept that we are actually going to have a second child soon.

That being said, I am thoroughly enjoying getting all the preparation done for baby number two. The organiser in me is thrilled to be able to wash tiny baby clothing, and organise drawers, and clean rooms. I think I was a born nester because I absolutely love it.

However there is much less to do this time around. Our home is already prepared for an active toddler, and realistically a newborn is far less of an issue on your home furnishings than a toddler - how do toddlers make some many crumbs? But we do need to create new space for the new addition, and our home has changed a lot since Henry was a baby, even though it was only two years ago.

So what have we been doing to prepare for our little newbie?

40 activities to do with your toddler - an activity jar challenge

Pretty much every parent will tell you that they've had at least a day or two where they've really not known what to do with their kid.
If I'm totally honest, I've had far more of those days than I would like to admit, but entertaining a small person can be really hard work, especially when they have a short attention span, far too much energy, and you're feeling less than your best.

As I'm becoming a SAHM and will be battling the wills of two small people (though admittedly one will be far more controllable than the other) I decided I needed to come up with some ideas of how to keep Henry entertained, and keep myself reasonably sane.

So I scoured the internet for ideas of little things I can do with Henry on a day to day basis. As he's going to be with me solo parenting three days a week in June and four days from July, I wanted to put something together that would mean we would have varied days and weeks.

 And thus the activity jar was born!

Gimme all the carbs - my pregnancy cravings

Collaborative Post*

Most women will experience cravings during their pregnancy - for me, that’s currently macaroni cheese and blackcurrant with lemonade! Literally, I could eat Dann's homemade macaroni cheese every night of the week and I'd be one very happy pregnant lady! As for the blackcurrant and lemonade, apparently I'm a fizz girl when it comes to pregnancy, going against the tradition of sweet cravings mean a girl!!

With Henry I only really craved twiglets (during my first and second trimesters) and fizzy apple drinks. Apple Tango still reminds me of being pregnant with Henry.

Many cravings are just due to the whole range of hormonal and biological changes that happen whilst pregnant, but some cravings can be a sign that you’re lacking in some vitamins or nutrients.

My hopes and fears for breastfeeding the second time around

It's one of those topics that people either love to talk about, or want to stay completely clear of.

And today I'm going to tackle it head on....breastfeeding.

I've breastfed before. In fact, when I was planning life as a family and awaiting Henry's arrival, I didn't really consider any other option.
I was lucky, Henry did take to breastfeeding pretty well, with a little help from the birth centre I gave birth in. He gained weight and seemed to do well. However my main obstacle was me. I had a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. I loved the bonding, and that I could provide for him by myself, but I was also super uncomfortable and hated the idea of feeding in public. (I've got no issue with feeding in public from others, I just felt really self-conscious and just couldn't shake the associated anxiety). We continued to breastfeed for three months combined with formula, and eventually stopped as my supply slowed down. I was both happy and sad for the end as I'd become more comfortable with breastfeeding, most likely as I was only feeding at night.

So that's my previous journey, and with a second baby on the way, it was only natural to start to think about what we want to do this time.

Again, I want to breastfeed. But this time I feel like I'm more prepared.
Breastfeeding classes are helpful with the facts, but realistically you learn pretty much everything from actually doing it. And I hope that experience will enable me to have a better, longer and more enjoyable time with breastfeeding.

Thoughts on becoming a mum of two

I know this is probably a blog post that has been done about a million times, but aside from loving reading other peoples (particularly, I loved this post from Lyndsey who is expecting a second little girl about a month after me, and this post from Naomi, who is expecting twin girls in May) I find it super cathartic to write some of my thoughts on this blog.

To be honest, I'm already kind of feeling like a mum of two, in the sense that I already feel pretty split between them.
I've talked previously about how much harder this pregnancy has been compared to with Henry, and that has really taken it's toll on my guilt levels. Which in turn has made me worry a little for the future.

Why I want to hypnobirth

The minute you find out you're pregnant for the second time - once you've got the OK that everything is going as expected and hoped - you think back to your previous pregnancy, and most importantly, your previous birth experience.

My birth story with Henry was a pretty positive one all round. It wasn't exactly as I had hoped, but it was pretty damn close, and I did it with no intervention and next to no pain relief. I am proud of my birth story and how well I managed to cope.

However there are things that I feel could have been better.

Length of labour being a large part of it.
I know, of course, that you can't predict or change your labours length of time, but I was in labour for a total of about 26 hours, and 11 in active labour at the birth centre. So I'd really like to try and cut down the amount of time away from home this time around.
We also had a bit of back and forth, which although it couldn't be helped at the time, I'd like to avoid if possible.
And I'd really like to have that water birth I'd planned for last time. I did spend time in the pool, but when it came to actually giving birth, it was more a traditional, on a bed, job.

So how am I hoping to help achieve this?

Hypnobirthing.

What to expect from a 4D scan

Review post*

I'm pretty certain the highlights of pregnancy are the scans. 

Aside from eating all the foods you want (within reason of course) and the baby kicks, there isn't a whole lot of other stuff to look forward to as the months go by, until you're ready to meet the new addition. 

But those scans, and seeing your little one, has to be one of the best feelings. I'm not sure much beats that first scan at 12 weeks, but a private 4D scan has to come as a pretty close second. 

We recently went along to Babybond and Ultrasound Direct* in Southampton for their 4D bonding scan, and it was such a great experience to grow that bond with our second baby boy. 

Am I cut out to be a stay at home mum?

My maternity leave for the second time is looming and although I am very much looking forward to it, I am also slightly daunted by it too.

Because once I start maternity leave, not only will I will waiting for the arrival of my second little boy, which is scary enough as it is - made worse by the fact that with Henry I didn't actually start my maternity leave until the day after he was born, and only had one week of annual leave prior to his arrival. But I'll also be on the road to stay-at-home-motherhood.

I won't be returning to my job after my maternity leave has ended.
Quite simply, it just doesn't make sense financially to return. I'd literally be spending my entire wage to put both boys in nursery so I could work, which just feels like a waste. I do strongly believe that nursery is very beneficial, so Henry will be remaining in nursery, and baby boy will likely be joining him as soon as Henry's three year funding kicks in. But for the most part, I'll be a stay-at-home mum.

It takes a village to raise a child.... but mine's a really small one

It takes a village to raise a child....

At least it does for some.

The old adage that you need lots of different influences to bring up a well-rounded child, and give them lots of loving family and friends is a rather sweet notion.
And for a lot of people it is probably quite true.
Perhaps by choice, or maybe by coincidence, but they've started a family surrounded by family members and close friends. Sundays are spent with the Grandparents, and Saturdays with xyz friends at soft play. Last minute meetings at work are fine because Auntie A can look after the little ones as she's off work that day anyway, and Great Grandma takes the smallest baby for a morning a week so mama can get a hot cup of coffee and hoover the living room (aka sit and binge on Netflix).

And to be honest, that sounds like perfection.

I honestly would love, and I mean truly love, to have this lifestyle.

And I am slightly jealous of the families that do get this. Not resentful, but maybe a little green eyed. I would hate to be that person who dislikes another just because they were more fortunate, or planned better, than I did.

How motherhood has changed me, for better and for worse

I think we all change so much over our life times. In fact it's kind of inevitable.
You can't remain the same person from your teens, to your twenties, thirties and beyond.
We become more educated, enlightened and in some places more sceptical and rational.

Our life choices and changes impact how we view the world, how we interact with it, and how we move through it.

Understandably, big life changes are going to have bigger impacts.
And one of the biggest changes for any person is becoming a parent.

Of course, there's the whole adjusting to having a small human-being be totally reliant on you for everything which is overwhelming as it is.

But once you've gotten used to actually being a parent (which I'm still not 100% certain I'm there yet!) you realise that your child/kids change you as a person too.

I'm not necessarily saying that they'll change you over night, and you'll go from a party and cocktail lover, to a slipper and nights in on the sofa knitting fanatic (but if that is the case then get those woollens out and enjoy) but they do have an impact. Or at least it has for me.

Am I done having babies??

There's a few inevitable questions when you announce you're having a baby.

Are you finding out the gender? And if yes, do you have a preference - this is especially true if it's a second baby announcement.

And are you having more babies after this one?

First off, let me get this one out before we make any rash decisions!!

But in all seriousness, am I done having babies?

When sleeping through the night suddenly stops

One thing I really took for granted before I had a child was sleep.

In my younger days, I'd easily do a 40 hours job, and then another 20 hours as a bar supervisor in the evenings, with weekends working from 6pm til 3am. And I'd still function as a normal human being.

Just the thought of all those hours and staying awake that much makes me want to crawl into a duvet cocoon and sleep for 12 hours as a treat to past me.

Then of course I had a baby, and he hasn't been the best of sleepers I have to admit. We spent many, many months co-sleeping (or bed sharing) which I was totally fine with, though as he got older it did become less and less comfortable. In those early days with a newborn, we experienced many sleepless nights. More nights than I can count where I was stood gently swaying to coax him to sleep. And lots of tears of sleep deprivation. And don't even get me started on sleep regression and teething!

However, around the one year old mark, sleep started to change for us.

Are kids really that expensive?

This is a collaborative post*

Kids cost a fortune right?

At least that's what everyone who offers their usually unsolicited opinion will say.

Kids cost so much many. They have so much stuff. You'll have no money for you anymore once you have kids.

And I guess in some respects kids are expensive.

Our gender reveal and scan with Babybond

This is a review post*

Ever since we found out I was pregnant again, I knew I wanted to find out if we were expecting a boy or a girl. I just knew I couldn't wait until they were born this time, unlike Henry, who we didn't find out until Dann announced it on his arrival into the world.

Since our 12 week NHS scan, we have been counting down the weeks to our 20 week scan, and finally knowing if we're having a girl or a boy.

We honestly didn't mind what, not that it makes any difference anyhow, you get what you're given. But I wanted to experience both ways, and I have to admit, I loved finding out early.

Money-saving Mama - a mini guide to cost saving for baby no.2

This is a collaborative post*

Everyone knows that babies are expensive right?
Well they are initially and then they sort of level out a bit, and then they get a bit expensive again, and you just go through money cycles.

Then you have the GENIUS idea to have a second baby.
Because, you know, it wasn't THAT expensive the first time, so I shouldn't be so bad the second time! Right?

Well with a little planning, it doesn't have to be so bad.

There are places you can save money, with your first, second, third or sixth child.